What's Next?

Hi all.  

You know, getting to Japan kind of threw me.  I dedicated a year of my life to getting here.  After arriving, I faced one of the same difficult questions I did right out of college: what's next?

And since I have been sick for over a week now, with nothing to do but sleep, try to sleep, watch House, and survive my classes, I faced the question.  I did it in a round-about kind of way, not admitting at first that this was why I've felt agitated for the past three months.  

The problem I faced was: I want to live in Japan.  I don't want to be a regular member of the Japanese work force that works for 10 to 14 hours a day.  And I don't want to teach English for the rest of my life.  I love it; my kids are great.  But after 3-5 years I think I'll be ready for something new.

And I was sitting in my bath tonight (I mean really, where else do you expect me to be?) and I accepted the answer.  I didn't find the answer.  I didn't come up with the answer.  The truth is, I've known the answer all along.  

But what did they say in every Landmark class, introduction, or water break?  Knowing makes no difference.  I've known the answer since I went to Kansai Gaidai.  It was something I wanted just as much as returning to Japan, but I said it was impossible.  

I want to work at Kansai Gaidai as a history teacher.  I love the area.  I love Osaka.  I love history.  In the past I said it would be too hard.  I wouldn't get into the grad programs.  And trying to balance being published and work as a teacher would be too difficult.  

Before I came here and started teaching English I also said I wouldn't make it as a teacher.  I was really scared.  Just as scared as I was of coming to Japan the second time.  That's how I know this is what I really want.

I see Mom reading this and saying, "Save money for grad school."  I see Dad reading this and thinking, "Damn all that money to airplane tickets."  I see Joe not being surprised.  I see Deborah saying, "But you're supposed to come back!" I see Audrey using this as an excuse for many future vacations.  Amanda I see you coming to eat really awesome ramen with me (before the grad school!).  

Courtney, you have a good game face.  I'm not sure what you'll think.  But I do see Andy convincing you he should come over and 'practice' his driving.  Just let him know that all he has to do is show his driver's license at the AAA and pay $15 to get his international driver's license.  I thought of you Andy the other day!  We could hear the cars on the race track over at the school where I teach.  And I thought of you Courtney yesterday when I walked by a house in my neighborhood and there was a woman brushing a long haired version of Clutch.  Same color and all.

For everyone else, I think of you too.  I think of things to say to you everyday.  But I'm sick, I'm going back to bed. 

Good night!