Thursday, December 17, 2009

Kate's Day

You know, probably the hardest thing about living in Japan is that you don't have access to your own culture whenever you want it. You have to depend on others to give you that connection to your own home.

Although there are ups and downs, and living abroad is an adventure well worth the sacrifice, there is one time of year when I want that connection more, and people are less willing to give it.

You might be saying, 'Well, who would do such a terrible thing? I would never shut you out. I would support you.' But take a moment and think of your schedule for November and December, and try and work in time to meet with someone online who has a 15 hour time difference. Not so easy is it?

I was more prepared for it this year, but it still sneaks up on you. I came out of the high of the English Speech Competition, winning 5th at state, and then got sick, and then the Christmas season was dumped on me.

But my Christmas season doesn't include the eternal Christmas music at the mall. Or the 800 sq ft houses with 3000 lights. Or the long lines and shopping craziness at the grocery store. When Christmas dumps on me, I just don't see anyone online to talk to.

Although emails still make it my way, it's not the same. Can you see my face right now? Do you know how I stressed the words 'not' and 'same'? Could you tell that my voice isn't angry, just a little sad? Of course you couldn't. Emails and writing can easily be misinterpreted. How many of you have misread an email, in content or tone, and upon confronting the person realized there was simply a miscommunication?

So with something so easily misconstrued, and wanting a stronger connection to home, can you see how limiting emails can be?

My parents have been really good about keeping in touch, and keeping me sane (as much as they can at any rate). Dad and I chat before he goes to work at least a couple times a week. Mom stays up late on Friday nights so that we can catch up. Sometimes she's really tired though so Dad and I watch Mom sleep.

Joe, you've also been good about making time to talk to me. You've got a lot going on, but you fit me in. Thank you.

Like I said before, it's not that people aren't communicating with me. It's a double edged problem: I want more at the busiest time for everyone. At a time we spend with family.

Last year I didn't know many of my fellow ALTs. I was pretty isolated. This year I had speech competition practice followed by a month of illness. It's just hard to email everyone and be so happy or excited about coming home when I kinda feel marginalized.

I guess it just comes down to what you're up to and what you're about in your life. It is a distance, but a lot of the issues are in your head. When I lived in the US, I never made it down to visit my friend Audrey in NC. It was only a couple hundred dollars, but I just couldn't make it happen. When she got married this October, I didn't think twice: just when and where. Audrey was really happy and surprised I came. I guess I don't see it as such an amazing thing. It wasn't that hard. It just always seemed hard before. I'm probably closer to Audrey now than I have since she moved.

I sat down tonight to tell you about my fabulous day. It was magnificent. And yet this is what came out of my fingers. Please don't misinterpret: I'm not angry, or accusing. I'm mostly thoughtful, and a bit nostalgic.

It just seems to me that I know a little bit how Grandma Gladys felt for all those years. She told me once, 'I'm ready for a trip. It's been so long since I've been anywhere.' For her, I was her connection to the outside world. I didn't understand it then. I think I do a little now.

But you know, it's not that people have done this to me and I'm so angry/sad/forgotten. It's just a fact of life here. It's something to deal with. And although sometimes I'm sad about it, sometimes it's not a problem. I guess I wanted to give everyone a little piece of what I face here. It's not always great news. And a lot of it I can't explain. There are lots of challenges. Hehehe. So when I come home for Christmas, please keep this in mind when you want to put my life here on a pedestal. It's just as tough as your life (though not any tougher). It's different but the same.

Half the challenges I face here are from culture, half are from life. And I'm not sure where they fit in, but some of the challenges are from living in a small town. When I lived in Osaka I didn't lack for the big Christmas hoo-ha. Only big difference from America was that they didn't know Christmas was about Jesus (or who Jesus is).

I'm gonna stop now and go to bed. My great day today. I awoke to snow. I showed my kids Christmas movies. My principle watched one of my classes and he liked the movie too. I got to the electronic store and found all the Final Fantasy 13 games were sold out, only to discover that they still had the collector PS3 system + game sets. Came home to cc cookie dough I made yesterday. Going to bed early.

Good night.

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