My fish think everything's gonna be okay.

In the past week and a half, it seems people have been glued to the news watching the disaster in Japan. It's been strange to watch it, because I'm 'here', but I'm not. I'm about as far away as I can be from the destruction (expect for Okinawa). Life here has barely been affected. The kids are raising some money to be sent up north, and there's been some news coverage of towns that look a lot like mine, but I can't tell anything catastrophic happened without watching TV.

One thing that is hard is to judge how bad the situation is. I'm fairly certain that the danger is downplayed by the Japanese Government and Japanese TV programs. I'm just as certain that foreign coverage is equally sensationalized. The French Embassy has told their nationals in Tokyo to leave, while the US only says you should consider it.

Of course I'm not in Tokyo. To usage any left over fears, I'm located in Kumamoto Prefecture. It's about 577 miles or 928.39 Kilometers from Tokyo to Kumamoto. The distance from Minneapolis to Chicago is 354 miles (in a straight line). That's pretty decent. Not to mention that Tokyo is on the East coast and Kumamoto is on the West coast. There are also mountains in the middle, so the wind shouldn't blow over here too much. Hopefully.

Finally, the really reason everyone should, is that much like the parakeet keeping miners safe, my fish are not worried at all. I found them peacefully sleeping side by side last night. Therefore, I don't think I'll stand in line at the airport just yet.

It's shaping up to be a beautiful spring. I was exceedingly disappointed this last weekend. We had Monday off as well for a national holiday, and it rained all three days. =(
Honestly, there's got to be a rule that at least one of the days is partly sunny for any three day weekend.

Although I've been busy the last few weeks, that will change shortly with the coming of spring break. I wasn't planning on traveling much for spring break this year. Last year I traveled quite a bit and now I just want to relax. I've been having fond flashbacks of when Audrey and I got our first apartment right out of college together. We used to have contests to see who could do the least on our days off. Ahhh, that was great.

To add to the potential lazing, I found a nice speaker set by Pioneer, two good sized speakers for either side of the TV plus sub-woofer for only $300. I'd seen the same set for $500 at other stores. So I purchased it as a belated to self birthday present. :D

One of the trees at my junior high has started to bloom. I think I'll do a series of picture blogs of the sakura as they come in. They breed sakura here like people breed dogs in the US. The plant them at schools and city buildings and parks. And then in the spring when the trees bloom we all take extra long lunches and eat under the trees. If you don't have work you go and drink and be merry under the trees. I like that the best.

I'll be keeping a look out at what happens up north safely from my sofa. I should be able to hop a plane to Korea or Singapore if things get really scary.

Thanks to everyone for your support. I hope that the photos I post in the next week help you see how normal life is here in Nankan.

Jet Lagging into the New Year

2011 has finally arrived. It brings the beginning of a new life style for those of us in Kyushu, as the new Shinkansen is scheduled to complete sometime this March/April, which should shed an hour or two off of my trips to Osaka.

Although January is the coldest month here, it's definitely worth it to have all the bugs dead or hiding somewhere in the forrest. Damn bugs. Living here in January is COLD. My friends back in MN might be laughing, saying, '32 degrees? Cold?' but I will remind those of you living your posh lives with things like insulation and central heating that we don't have such comforts here. If you'd like a taste of my winter, just open your windows on the next 32 degree day and try it.

My parents came to visit last year at the beginning of April and Mom tried to heat my whole apartment with one pitiful heater (about the size of a window air-conditioning unit). I had to explain that the walls leak like a sieve and it will just break the heater using it in such a large space. Well, I probably didn't explain it that well or that nicely. I think it was more along the lines of 'What do you think you're doing!?'

In Japan, they tell you to forget everything about last year before you begin the new year. I like this. Forget and just let the new year come. Today I went to class and left the old year at the door. I had been quite worried. So many things didn't go the way I wanted last year. I became frustrated with my kids because I couldn't see that I was helping in any way. Also, I have to say: This is my third year here. I have done these games many times. I have taught these lessons many times. I have dealt with students who don't study and then complain that English is impossible more times than I can count.

Moreover, I'd become frustrated with the work culture here. People being married to jobs, not being able to have any free time at all, even to sleep. It just seemed so strict, so structured, and such a pain. The teachers I spend my days with can't ever go out for a casual drink after work. 1. There's no place to drink here. 2. Japan has a zero tolerance for drinking and driving. Any alcohol in your system earns you an immediate trip to jail, interrogation, and for ALTs, a trip home. 3. The teachers have to work on Saturday and Sunday unless they have small children and are women (and therefore the primary caregiver, and don't have any time).

Yet here I am. For all the bad things, I still like my life here. I like my freezing apartment. I like my genki non-studying students. They really are fun. (It's just hard to make games when they haven't learned the grammar.) I love going to my super market where all the cashier ladies know my name and look so excited to get to chat with me for a few minutes.

And yes, Mom, I love my restaurant that serves some of the most outrageously fabulous parfaits I've ever had. I'll have to get some pictures. Mom and Dad, if you have some of those parfait pics would you send me a copy? If not...guess I'll just have to go do some reconnaissance :D

So you don't need to be in a new place with a new job to have a new year. Leave the old one at the door.

I'm just stuck

Some of you may not know about my latest project: I'm building my first gaming computer. Originally I just wanted to buy one, but that idea was dashed when I saw the shipping estimate. Ouch. And so I started the process of familiarizing myself with all of the current parts and equipment on the internet.

And now I have reached the point of TMI. I have read so many things about some of the pieces that I'm completely stuck. I can't choose! It's at the point where I know all the pros and cons, but I'm just stuck. I guess I'm afraid of making the 'wrong' choice. Or maybe not the wrong choice, but that I'll regret it later.

I've managed to get everything except the graphics cards.

Well, recently I've also been questioning my PSU, but I'm focusing more on the graphics cards.

Here's what I've chosen thus far.

Coolermaster 932 AMD edition
Intel i7 960
ASUS x58 rampage iii
Corsair 1000w HX
WD 1tb @ 7200 rpm

Now don't go all medieval on me about putting an intel chip in an AMD box. I wanted the Coolermaster HAF X, but guess what??? It's not available in Japan. Shocker. This was the biggest case I could find here, with a side window. No I wasn't going to install my own window. I've been thinking I might try and change the badge on the front of the case.

I haven't chosen the ram either, mostly because I'll probably place the order on a website other than amazon.co.jp due to limited selection on that site.

And so the graphics cards are:

Geforce GTX 480 & ATI Radeon HD5870

(Whichever graphics card I pick, I will get two for my system.)


From what I've read, the GTX is more powerful, and NVIDIA has a good rep on making up to date drivers for their products that work well with games. However, this card runs much hotter (is designed to withstand the heat as well), and is supposedly noisier. It also chews up more power than the ATI.

The ATI isn't as powerful, but it holds a cooler temp, is quieter, and still holds it's own against the GTX. Also, this family of cards has gotten really good reviews since they came out, and because of the heat etc, some still think the ATI is a better choice if you're not over clocking it.

To make matters worse, in Japan the prices on these cards are within $50 of each other.

If I was living in the US, I'd probably just buy the GTX. But power here is a big thing. My electric bill is no joke, and to be honest, I'm a little scared that this new computer will blow fuses all over the place at my old house. And since I don't *technically* have access to my breaker box, it's kind of a pain unless I want to ultimately move. Which, is an option, but would suck.

Also, air conditioning here is just not on the same level as in the states. Houses are made to fit loosely together and pretty much leak like a sieve. When I told some of my teachers how houses in the US are built tight with good insulation, their response was, 'It must be so hot in the summer!' I tried to explain that we use central air in the summer and that since it's so tight this works quiet well, but they weren't buying it.

Thus any heating or cooling ends when you turn off the aircon and that's not central air my friends. To finish it off, my apartment is on the 2nd floor (and no basements here - hello earthquakes).


So for me living here, heat is a bigger consideration than in the states. Of course, on the plus side, I could use the help keeping my room warm in the winter...


You are now up to speed on my current conundrum. It's like comparing apples and oranges. They are close enough that either will work well I think, but would I like the quieter card or the more powerful card in the long run? Which would work better for my current situation? Why couldn't one of the cards have been the obvious choice???

Perhaps in this case simply buying the most recent isn't the right move. That goes against everything I believe in as an American.

Into Summer

It's summer here in Nankan. Well, it's the time of year I consider summer. I consider there to be six seasons here. Fall, winter, spring, summer, the rainy season, and then hell.

Yes, it's coming close to the last two; neither of which will bring comfort of any kind.

The fireflies are coming out, and as soon as they leave us, I expect the rainy season to come. It's muggy and it just rains. But not in a fun way like in MN. No, it just rains. Straight down. FOREVER. Last year I started to get pissed off from the continuous noise that never changed and never stopped. I'm hoping this year I will have a higher tolerance.

And of course with the hot and steamy the bugs will mutate and just like in the movie Mimic, will hunt us down. It's hard to say what scares me the most, the spiders the size of grapefruit (bodies the size of a lime), 8-10 inch centipedes, cockroaches that fly, killer bees 3-4 inches long, or mosquitoes that are fast and small and rob you of the chance to have your revenge.

After that, we enter into the really HOT season. I just call it hell. I mean, let's get serious. You don't need some fancy name. I know that places in the US are just as hot or hotter. Do it in the US without air-conditioning and we'll talk. Until then, eat me.

Moreover, this year has a special sad tang to it: many of my friends here are returning to the US (or home country). We'll get new people, and it will be nice to meet them, but it doesn't change the fact that the friends I've made here will leave. It's the way things go, but it still sucks.

*Sigh*

Surprisingly, despite this, I'm in good spirits.

I have a new gold fish. His name is Tomo; as in 'tomodachi'. I was going to name him buddy, then thought this would be the Japanese version and liked it. I still call him Buddy half the time. Poor fish. Doesn't even know his own name.

I was unable to find a suitable computer to buy online from America and have sent over here. Shipping plus tariff just cost too much. And so I get to do something I've always wanted to do: build my own. To make things even better, Kat said we'll build it together. So I get the experience, I'll be hanging out with her despite all the demands on her her last months here, and I'll get an awesome computer.

I'm finally going to England this summer, after delaying last year when I found out Joe was going to live there (right after my Summer vacation ended - thanks Joe).

Deborah will come to see me for a bit too, which will be lots of fun. Lots of Okonomiyaki and onsen.

And of course, over the summer I can justify eating ice cream almost every day.

TAAAANK!

Hello Everyone!

Today is my favorite kind of weather: a little cool, warm in the afternoon, and sunny.

Lots of things have happened since my last post. A teacher I'm not fond of stayed around another year (even though we all thought she'd leave), I had two encounters of the Shelob kind, and have picked up some projects I'd left unfinished.

And of course, through it all, WOW.

You know, I've been stuck recently.
But in the last few days, I've been in my life, as TANK.

I know that doesn't mean anything to you.
Ok, it might mean something if you play WOW.

I'm gonna talk as if you've spoken to me in the last three months. If you have, you've had a basic intro to some of the things in this game. If you have no idea..schedule your next chat time with me now!

When you go in a dungeon, you go in with four other people. The tank gets all the bad guys to hit him/her, the healer heals the tank, and the other three pick off the monsters hitting the tank. The tank is sort of the leader. If the tank doesn't go, the group doesn't go. When something goes wrong, it's up to the tank to control it as best they can.

I love to tank. I really enjoy it. When I play and I don't tank, I think about tanking. I read about it online, and I watch other people tank for ideas. And when things weren't going how I wanted in the rest of my life, a friend told me, 'What about being tank in your life?' Having that same attitude in my life that I do when I tank. Sometimes, no matter how much you try or practice or prepare, it doesn't matter. You just have to go! Give it a shot. And deal with the crap that happens when it happens.

I really liked this idea because it let me play my life as a game. It's not so serious that I can't mess up. You just read the situation and go. Don't think too much about it or your group will get bored, just like I was this past month. I just thought too much about it. Just go and deal with the problems when they come. If you wipe, run back and go again.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Where am I?

I've got a lot of things going for me. And I'm finally out of the cold weather, and rain. But there seems to be something bugging me. There seems to be something off. I can tell you the things that led me down this road, but I can't tell you where it goes from here, or where the road I was on before went.

I just feel like something is off. Something isn't right. And I just can't put my finger on it. I just want to know, so that I can breathe a sigh of relief and move on. Go back to the road I should be on. The road I was on before it all went downhill. Where'd that road go? Where'd that hope and determination and energy get to?

I don't know. I don't even know where I am anymore. It doesn't feel right. I know I need something. Something basic. But my mind won't work and it's like walking in sand. How do you let go of this sad feeling and move forward? What if you don't know where forward leads anymore? What if forwards has become backwards somewhere along the way, and every step you take leads you back to where you were before? Isn't it better to just stand still?

Graduation

Today is graduation day. My 3rd year students (9th graders) are leaving. They've done well. I'm proud of them. It's difficult to be responsible for your own future. Many of them still don't understand exactly what that means, and are just going on to the next step, the next place. They don't know that they can go anywhere they want to go or do anything they want to do. They are so many things to see. I wonder what they will see.

Of course, they will go places I will never go. They will do things I will never do. And yet, our lives will be the same. We will all be people and we're the same.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I didn't want to live abroad. If I didn't have any interest in foreign language. If all I wanted was the house the kids and the husband. An office job and a dog. I'll never know. Because although those things are nice, I want something different.

Before I felt sad for my friends and other people I knew who were 'trapped' in that life. I thought that they were just as upset as I was when I lived that life. Eventually I realized that they didn't feel that way. They might not like everything about their lives, but overall, they liked it. I tried to be happy with that life, and I failed. All I wanted was to come here. And any commitment that could interfere with that wish made me uncontrollably sad, and I ran away from it.

So now I don't feel sorry for my friends back home, and I don't feel sorry for my students and the lives they will have. Even if they work at a gas station or someplace I would find inadequate, perhaps they like it. Or perhaps it allows them the life they want. Or maybe it's just a stop on their way someplace else.

In the past few months, I've come to some peace with myself and my life. I am who I am. I can't be anyone else. Sometimes I might wish I could see life from someone else's perspective. I think it would be interesting. Especially to be at ease in places that I feel uncomfortable in in my life. Or to be a part of a group I was never a part of.

Deborah used to tell me that just because I'm choosing one thing, doesn't mean that I need to feel like I'm missing out. If I choose to do something, it doesn't mean there is something better happening and I'm excluding myself from it. I used to always be upset that I couldn't do everything I wanted every day. Now I realize it just means I can be happy everyday, no matter what I choose to do.

I know that although I could have done different things with the students, I impacted them. I can see it. I also received a letter from a student. She asked me not to let anyone else read it. I promised I wouldn't. She's not the best at English. But she just shines. I know that I connected with her. I know that for the rest of her life, she won't be the same person. And I know how special she is. I hope she continues to be the beautiful person I see. There are many fun and funny students in my classes. She was always a bit quiet. Didn't raise her hand much, didn't join the English speech contest. But I would have to say she is my favorite student. We connected in a profound way. I'll never forget her. I'll always think of her. I'll always wonder where she is and what she's doing. I'll always be proud of her.

It's really true what they say in the landmark advanced course. You have a possibility. Great. Good for you. But where the real power is, is sharing that possibility; is having someone else get it too. If there's nothing happening over there [with the other person] then it's just you. The real power is in inspiring others.

And so I'm sad to see my students go. But I'm so excited at the same time. I can't wait for them to leave. Whether they know it or not, or want to or not, they'll take the rest of us with them.

Olympics! But only for REAL Americans.

Brought to you by A Certain News Conglomerate Scrooge

I'm not going to say their name out loud. But I have recently been thwarted by a certain news company and what follows is a rant about the recent restrictions about access to information for those of us living in a foreign country.

It sucked when I couldn't watch House.
It was terrible when they took down videos of ANTM.
It completely blew when I couldn't get Medium.

But generally speaking, I could watch the news. I could stay in touch, just a little. I could find out what was happening in MY country. In my home. And with the Olympics happening, I was really excited. The time difference makes it almost impossible for me to watch anything real time. How would you like to wake up at 3 am on a work night so you could watch your favorite event? Yeah right. So I did what any person of my generation would do: I went on the web.

I wanted to check out the moguls. Those have always been a personal favorite. I found an add for a certain news conglomerate and followed the link. I located a very nice schedule of all the events, and lo! There was a link to complete event coverage, even if the event had ended.

Thinking myself incredibly luck, I clicked it, only to have a message appear. In essence, it said "You cannot access this video because you live in a foreign country. Click here for the videos we will let you watch. Niiner Niiner HaHa."

And I became so incensed that I went to their feedback page (which I always think about but never do) and wrote them a message that it's terrible that they will deny Americans in a foreign country from watching their own country's Olympians from competing. On their page it tells us to look for 'our own country's' website and Olympic coverage. I don't know about you, but America is my country, dammit. I am American! I'm not in America, but I'm AMERICAN.

So I told them in my message I'd start looking for this country's Olympic coverage just as soon as I learned how to read the damn thing. I also said that they edit their Olympic footage here too - Guess who they cut out? Yeah that's right; they favor their own athletes here too, and I don't have any idea where to see footage of Americans. They won't show all the events I want to see either. I'm sorry, but in Japan, their best sports are not the same as America's best sports. So who do you think they cut? One guess. No take-backs.

Adding to the insult, after I'd sent the message, a screen popped up and told me that due to the mass amounts of feedback I might not get a reply message but that I should feel secure that someone had read my message. All I have to say to that is: Riight. I've sent detailed questions to sights before about a problem I was having with their page, and I've received reply messages which were obviously sent by someone who did not read my email. They sent me links to information I had not requested or told them I had tried and it had not worked. And this is when I get a reply. And yet this site is now telling me I should feel certain that my feedback has impacted things somehow. Sure.

Thus to all the News Companies out there; and I say Companies, because lets face it, people don't make the news anymore. I'd like to say Screw You. Who do you think is going to steal your crappy video over here? They don't care about your footage. They don't even like the same events we do. Do you think they can understand your crappy commentary?

I can understand why you won't show sitcoms and dramas to foreign countries. I don't like it, I don't agree with it, but I can understand why in your little mind you need to do this. But the news? The Olympic coverage? That's just low. That's pond scum low. Thanks Scrooge. When the ghost of Christmas past comes to get you I hope he takes everything from you and leaves you in a small town, in the middle of no where, in the opposite time zone and no way to contact anyone. See how long you last.

All these companies (and one in particular) care about is just saying 'It's mine! It's mine! Don't touch it! You can't have it! I only let my friends see it from time to time!' Is that really what the web is about? That's all our society is about anymore. I have it and I'm so afraid that I'll lose it that I have to protect it with stupid rules and tricks. I'll be as petty as I want because I have it and you don't.

The Beginning

The Beginning

Before these challenges even began, I started working out. It was fairly slow going at first, but I was able to start weights within a couple weeks. I was in a nice routine when disaster struck - I got a nasty cold. I was out, sleeping 18 hours a day and being exhausted when I was awake. I managed to do my classes at school and then go home. It was like that for three full days, and then on the fourth it started to get better. I was completely bummed. It seemed like every time I had a good rythm with my workouts something came in to sabotage me. But I wouldn’t give up this time. I told myself, it’s not just about the work outs. Its about being healthy. It’s about the whole package. I could deny I was sick, and I’d just go on with everything and slowly get sicker and sicker and sicker until I wouldn’t be able to work or do anything. And if I did that, I wouldn’t be well enough to work out for weeks. So I didn’t wait - I stopped everything and took care of myself for a week. Then I was well enough to do some low intensity workouts.
I still have my ups and downs, but it’s about continuing. It is about losing weight, but it’s more about being healthy in all ways - physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If one is out of wack it throws the rest off too.

The weeks of Chocolate

Now, I’m not going to mess with you. This was two weeks of no chocolate - not two weeks of dieting or watching my calories. It was simply a test to see life without choclate for two weeks. I didn’t do this as a way to lose weight. I didn’t do it as a way to break an ‘addiction’. I just wanted to try and see how it was. I was shocked to realize how often I eat chocolate and how when I’m hungry or just bored I reach for choclate and I don’t want another kind of snack.
As the days passed I found myself more and more turning to peanut butter as a poor subsitute. It didn’t satisfy though. And so I was stuck sticking it out. I did find at the end of the challenge that my body felt a lot better. It didn’t like all that chocolate. It liked the tomatoes I’d started eating after school. And this led to my second challenge.

The week of 1500 Calories

In retrospect, this week was probably a mistake. 1500 calories is not much at all. And at the time, I was working out on a regular basis. It wasn’t too intense yet, but it was more than my body was used to. I made it the first three days - barely. And then the weekend came. Along with my gaming friends.
We set up shop in my tatami room, and started the fun. I did an admirable job of limiting the snacks I ate, but then we ordered pizza. Uh-oh. I even did okay with that. But what I found is 1500 calories is tough to stretch much past pizza and snacks, even if you’re careful. After the pizza, I wanted to give up and just eat. But I didn’t. I’d eaten what I’d eaten, but I wouldn’t just say, ‘Okay, I didn’t really expect you to manage it anyway, so go ahead and gorge yourself.’ Instead I continued with my plan, even though the little voice in my head was screaming I wouldn’t meet my goal the next day either.
I just refused to give up. I refused to blame myself for what I’d eaten, and simply go on. The challenge wasn’t over. And it wasn’t about ‘winning’ the challenge or ‘losing’. It was about continuing and completing. Even once I found out that the calories per day was a bit low, I wanted to complete it.
In the end, those first three days were the only ones that I was successful. But I started looking at calories. I started watching what I eat. I started looking for veggies and fruit and my food pyramid stopped being top heavy. I also realized I could eat chocolate in small amounts and work it into my eating schedule.


The week of the Work Out

And that brings us to the week of the workout. I have had the most fun this week. It hasn’t been easy. Two weeks ago, I was feeling really low. I was feeling really sad. And I’d spent all day Saturday hanging out, barely moving. I talked to Dad on skype.
He said, ‘Why do you have to feel good in order to work out? Just do it anyway.’ For those of you with landmark experience, I’d fallen into the do-have-be routine. If I work out, I’ll have the good feeling and then eventually I’ll be healthy.
Since that was two weeks ago, I’d pretty much gotten out of that rut. Originally, when I started the week, I made the challenge 30 minutes of cardio a day. I also wanted some of the cardio to be in the morning and some in the evenings. My right knee never completely came back after the surgery two years ago. Stretching was always fine, but I never kept up with the strengthing trainning, and it was still weak after 30 minutes on the bike. So doing one workout in the morning and one in the evening made sense.
As the week came, my knee started to adjust to the new schedule. I started to do more. Now my dail goal is to have 600 calories of cardio each day. That’s about 20 minutes in the morning and 30 in the evening. But even that is being leveled up to 30 - 30. I’m also going to add in weights starting today.

And so that brings us to present day. It’s Feb 10th and I’ve been working out steadily since Jan 3rd. I’ve had my ups and downs. I’ve learned you just can’t focus on one thing. To make this work, I’ve made time for my personal life, my spiritual life, and myself. I’ve made a time and a space for everything.
The best part has really been playing around with my life and my time. I always used to get upset, or mad at myself and others if I didn’t have time to do the things I want to do. During the last few months, I’ve realized that I want to do almost EVERYTHING! At any given time, I want to do so many things. I’m so happy about this! Before, everything was wrapped up in guilt and ‘I should’s and frustration that I couldn’t do all that I wanted. Now I’m excited that I want to everything. I know that no matter what I do I’ll be happy; I’ll be doing something I want to. Since I’ve also been focusing on balance, I make time for things. There’s no ‘I can’t do that I have to work out’. It’s just a choice, and sometimes I don’t do the work out. When I had my gaming friends over I got up on Sunday and went in to church before they were awake.

Next is the week of Sleeping. My challenge is to get eight hours of sleep every night.

久しぶり

We're about to have another morning meeting. It's Monday. And I didn't get to bed early enough last night. I had some complaint about not getting enough free time to myself. I spent several hours playing a game, but it wasn't enough. Despite that I made it hear earlier than I have all year; I have no idea how I managed that. I with I could rewind and compare to other days, because I got hear at 8 am on the dot. And I wasn't even rushing. Yeah, time-warp mystery.

It's a rainy day today. And unseasonably warm. I drove the loaner car from my mechanic's today. Can we say Happy Car? I just about died when I say this car. It's brand new, it's compact, cute, and it's orange. It matches the radio transmitter I have for my ipod for crying out loud. It's also low to the ground so it can take the curves on the roads really fast. Only bad thing is - two speakers. That's why my car is in the shop now - the rear speakers never worked and then the front driver's side started going in and out. I can't live with one speaker so I took it in to the shop.

I told them I don't know what the issue is - electrical wiring, the TAPE player being old, or the speakers themselves. I didn't consider a fourth option. Shortly after they took my car to the shop, still on Friday just before I left work, I got a call on my cell phone. They asked if I could come down on my way home. No problem.

I stop by, and they tell me that they think I just need a new CD player. I asked, "Really, but what about the rear speakers? Are you sure it isn't the wiring?" The husband talked to his wife for a minute and she came up to me and let me down as gently as she could. There were no rear speakers. The car has spaces reserved for rear speakers, but they aren't included in the basic model. They didn't know if the wiring was done for the speakers. I busted out laughing and couldn't stop for five minutes. It had never occurred to me that rear speakers were an option people would upgrade to! When I think of all the times I swore at the rear speakers wishing they worked.

Now they're looking for some speakers to fit the spaces and checking on the wiring. I should know today about how much it'll all cost. I didn't want to invest the money before, but there is no way I'm living with just one speaker in my car. I'll just go as economically as I can and do it. For my birthday this year I'm giving myself a trip to an onsen and rear speakers in my car.

Happy Monday!

Kate's Day

You know, probably the hardest thing about living in Japan is that you don't have access to your own culture whenever you want it. You have to depend on others to give you that connection to your own home.

Although there are ups and downs, and living abroad is an adventure well worth the sacrifice, there is one time of year when I want that connection more, and people are less willing to give it.

You might be saying, 'Well, who would do such a terrible thing? I would never shut you out. I would support you.' But take a moment and think of your schedule for November and December, and try and work in time to meet with someone online who has a 15 hour time difference. Not so easy is it?

I was more prepared for it this year, but it still sneaks up on you. I came out of the high of the English Speech Competition, winning 5th at state, and then got sick, and then the Christmas season was dumped on me.

But my Christmas season doesn't include the eternal Christmas music at the mall. Or the 800 sq ft houses with 3000 lights. Or the long lines and shopping craziness at the grocery store. When Christmas dumps on me, I just don't see anyone online to talk to.

Although emails still make it my way, it's not the same. Can you see my face right now? Do you know how I stressed the words 'not' and 'same'? Could you tell that my voice isn't angry, just a little sad? Of course you couldn't. Emails and writing can easily be misinterpreted. How many of you have misread an email, in content or tone, and upon confronting the person realized there was simply a miscommunication?

So with something so easily misconstrued, and wanting a stronger connection to home, can you see how limiting emails can be?

My parents have been really good about keeping in touch, and keeping me sane (as much as they can at any rate). Dad and I chat before he goes to work at least a couple times a week. Mom stays up late on Friday nights so that we can catch up. Sometimes she's really tired though so Dad and I watch Mom sleep.

Joe, you've also been good about making time to talk to me. You've got a lot going on, but you fit me in. Thank you.

Like I said before, it's not that people aren't communicating with me. It's a double edged problem: I want more at the busiest time for everyone. At a time we spend with family.

Last year I didn't know many of my fellow ALTs. I was pretty isolated. This year I had speech competition practice followed by a month of illness. It's just hard to email everyone and be so happy or excited about coming home when I kinda feel marginalized.

I guess it just comes down to what you're up to and what you're about in your life. It is a distance, but a lot of the issues are in your head. When I lived in the US, I never made it down to visit my friend Audrey in NC. It was only a couple hundred dollars, but I just couldn't make it happen. When she got married this October, I didn't think twice: just when and where. Audrey was really happy and surprised I came. I guess I don't see it as such an amazing thing. It wasn't that hard. It just always seemed hard before. I'm probably closer to Audrey now than I have since she moved.

I sat down tonight to tell you about my fabulous day. It was magnificent. And yet this is what came out of my fingers. Please don't misinterpret: I'm not angry, or accusing. I'm mostly thoughtful, and a bit nostalgic.

It just seems to me that I know a little bit how Grandma Gladys felt for all those years. She told me once, 'I'm ready for a trip. It's been so long since I've been anywhere.' For her, I was her connection to the outside world. I didn't understand it then. I think I do a little now.

But you know, it's not that people have done this to me and I'm so angry/sad/forgotten. It's just a fact of life here. It's something to deal with. And although sometimes I'm sad about it, sometimes it's not a problem. I guess I wanted to give everyone a little piece of what I face here. It's not always great news. And a lot of it I can't explain. There are lots of challenges. Hehehe. So when I come home for Christmas, please keep this in mind when you want to put my life here on a pedestal. It's just as tough as your life (though not any tougher). It's different but the same.

Half the challenges I face here are from culture, half are from life. And I'm not sure where they fit in, but some of the challenges are from living in a small town. When I lived in Osaka I didn't lack for the big Christmas hoo-ha. Only big difference from America was that they didn't know Christmas was about Jesus (or who Jesus is).

I'm gonna stop now and go to bed. My great day today. I awoke to snow. I showed my kids Christmas movies. My principle watched one of my classes and he liked the movie too. I got to the electronic store and found all the Final Fantasy 13 games were sold out, only to discover that they still had the collector PS3 system + game sets. Came home to cc cookie dough I made yesterday. Going to bed early.

Good night.

Miracle #2

I wasn't really sure I'd be able to top my last post so soon.

Near the end of October, I wrote about my students winning at the Tamana County English Recitation and Short Speech Contest. My students all placed. My 1st years (7th graders) won first place for their recitation from the text book dialogues - Chapter 4. My 2nd years took second, and my 3rd years took second. My 2nd year student, Motoki won first place for his short speech.

Every student I trained won. My principle cried. Everyone was shocked.

On the statue for the 1st years there are ribbons from each year's winner. Nankan had one other ribbon on the statue.
From 23 years ago.
Before any foreigner had lived and taught in Nankan on the JET Program.

One of my 1st year students had come down with the H1N1 influenza the night before the competition. Her mother drove her to the contest and then after to the doctor.
After the competition, I didn't see her or several of my other students for about a week.

So we had a week of celebration. Practices were finished, everyone was happy. Fabulous.

Then it set in for me. The 1st years had won first place. The 1st years had won FIRST place. They were going to preform at the State Recitation Contest in three weeks! My practice wasn't over at all!

The next week we went back to basics. I started all over. I had two kids out for a couple days due to illness and sports practice, so I worked with the two boys on pronunciation. I treated it like we hadn't won the county competition. I pretended that we were starting anew. And when you start new, you start with memorization and pronunciation.

There were some words I didn't work on for the county level because sometimes the kids pronunciation isn't bad, but it could be better. However, once you try to teach them, they forget how to say it the way they originally did. And if you don't have the time to address it, you end up with them trying to sound out the word, or remember how to move their tongue rather than just doing it. They focus too much and they can't get it.

But now I didn't have four groups to train. I had one. [Unfortunately they don't have a short speech competition at the state level. I think Motoki would have taken whomever he was up against. And then I could have continued to watch Shi-chan yell at and hit him whenever they practiced.] I was able to focus on one team. We spent more time practicing than we had before, but since I only had one group I got to go home earlier! It was a bit harder for them at first :)

However, after practicing the same material for two months, it starts to get old. So I had the students do a funny version at least once a day. I told them to all talk in high pitched voices. I told them to say it as fast as they could (or as slow as they could). I had them say each other's lines. I told them to do something strange - whatever they wanted. Two of the students always played a jan-ken game in the middle of the skit for this one.

We also changed up some of the gestures and actions the students did. We added some comical elements. And it payed off. The day of the state competition, we were ready. We drove into Kumamoto city.

There were 17 schools at the competition. I found out later that many of the counties had many more schools than Taman did (30 or more). And the competition to get to state in those areas was really intense. We watched the 2nd year students preform and I could tell there was a big difference in ability level.

Once the 1st years started, I was really nervous. I had to focus on each group and take notes just to keep from noticing how close my students were to presenting. Then they were up; and I wasn't ready. I wanted them to stop so I could have a moment to adjust and be mentally prepared. The students did a good job. After, I found that I was just as nervous. I didn't know how they did yet.

We had to sit through lunch, the 3rd years, a couple of speeches, and finally I found out. They started announcing from the first year students. I wasn't really listening; I was still in time delay from translating all the rules they had announced. All of a sudden, I hear 'Nankan-machi'. I turned to Ms Kawakami and said 'What?!' She answered, 'Nankan won 5th place!'. From there on I didn't hear much more except to write circle the winners on the schedule (I had taken notes about each group so that I'd know what the judges were looking for when I train next year).

We got to send a student into the winners circle on stage to receive the plaque and certificates for our students. Then they gave us the judges comments and scores, we took a couple pictures and went home.

In 2009, Nankan's 1st year students did something no one had ever done before in this town. They won at the State English Recitation Contest. I'm so proud of them. I'm glad I recorded one of their practices.

There's a wall in one of the hallways at Nankan Jr High School that has old pictures of students and sports teams hanging above plaques. They take the pictures so that everyone will know just who it was who won that award years later. I heard the teachers talking the other day about putting a picture of the 1st years up there with the plaque they won at state.



I'd heard from another ALT in Tamana County that the inner city schools always win at the state level. I wondered why. Once I saw the 3rd years preform, I knew. Half of the 'groups' for the 3rd year students were just one student. One student, to memorize 5 pages of material? It became apparent that those students' parents paid for an English tutor. The more students, the more time you have to work on teaching the same pronunciation.

We were the only school from Tamana County to place.

But this competition is about more than just winning. If anything, my students probably had too much fun during practice. And they still did the impossible. They proved that you can do it, even though it's never been done before.
You just need an ALT with no life ;)

English Speech Contest Miracle

Hello all!

I know what you're thinking. Geeze, it's been months since Kate wrote on her blog. It must be something really important if she's finally getting back to it. And you're right. It is something really big.

My school went to the Taman-gun English Speech Contest in Nagomi like it does every year. We had a recitation group for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd years in addition to a 2nd year student giving a short (2 min) speech, just like last year. The difference came at the end of the competition, when we won.

Last year, I was so upset. I thought that at least my student doing the short speech deserved to win. He definitely deserved to place. But none of my groups won. And the competition was tough. I discovered that the same schools usually won each year. It was devastating. I couldn't understand what happened. I talked to one of the judges, who was a HS ALT and got some pointers. I needed to know what they looked for. I thought pronunciation, enunciation, speed, and phrasing were the only things. I had no idea gestures would make this speech contest more like a simplified skit contest.

Next year, I vowed to do everything I could for these kids.

And so, come the start of September, with the speech contest around the corner, I started the training. I definitely had some problems. I didn't know how the teachers had chosen the students last year, so I did it by invitation. I got the first and second year groups made in record time. However, when I asked the third year students I hit a brick wall. I asked eight students and they all said no. I finally found one student who wanted to try, but couldn't find any teammates for her. But now I had one student who I'd offered it to and wanted to try, so I needed to find her a group.

We had no permanent place to practice. We started in the library after school. But one day we were overrun by noisy students and had to move across the hall. I hated the room. There were large tables in a big square that took up the entire room. I refused to use it as the basis of our operation. So for a while I only brought the kids into the room when it was their turn to practice, and left the others in the library.

The location issue became worse when the students had to stand up. The room across the hall was large, but the voices rebounded off the walls. The students weren't loud enough. So we went to the veranda that leads out to the garden at the center of our school. We practiced there for only a few days, until I found the art club painting there. I asked the teacher if her students could be quiet while mine preformed so that we could share the space. She said they couldn't. I guess because they had to make sure they all used the same color of blue? Why I had never seen them there last year I had no idea. But by this point I was pissed.

We tried in front of the lunch room, inside the lunch room, and a small courtyard to the side of the lunch room. We went wherever we could that was a large space where the students' voices would not be louder than they really were.

Finally I resorted to waking up early and coming to school so that we could use the gym before class. I had to get the kids out of sunrise which includes a combo of greetings and cleaning. And no matter how much time we managed to get in the gym I wanted more.

The last straw was one of my second year classes closing a week and a half before the contest. I just lost it at this point. I was stressed, I was working twelve hour days, and I had had it. The students would not be able to come to school until six days before the contest. And I was flying out to go to my friend's wedding the day before they came back.

As for the training itself, I had no real plan. Thanks to talking with the judge last year, I knew what I wanted to accomplish. So we just started by becoming familiar with the dialogues, and went from there. After two months of training everyday after school I had a system. And it was time to test it.

When I came back, I had several sick kids on my teams. I had one first year student whose mother would bring her to the competition and then straight to the doctor's office. I had several with colds. And I had one third year student that had been diagnosed with H1N1 and could not attend.

I made the best of it and practiced what we could. I reminded students of gestures, and tricks for pronunciation. By this point I was so screwed up from jet lag I couldn't really stress myself out. So I focused on staying awake by writing comments about the different groups on the presentation list as if I was a judge. If we didn't win I'd have a record of what the judges wanted.

I knew something was happening when at lunch time an ALT from another school came up to congratulate me. The ALT told me my students were doing really well.

I was shocked. I hadn't even allowed myself to think about winning. I still had the 3rd year students to preform and was focused on that. I knew my students had done well, but who knows? Maybe the judges were looking for something else. I also remembered last year: not placing at all.

My third year students were last to preform in the entire contest. We had trained in a group of three, but one student was out with the H1N1 influenza. The other two had learned her part. They had never been in the contest before and I was nervous. With only a few days of practice could they remember all the lines? They had chosen a lesson that many other schools had. The other schools all had at least four students; one school had six.

With our two students, we preformed the same lesson. And did it well. No forgotten lines. No missed gestures.

The judges came back and announced the results. For the second year students, Nankan won 2nd place. I have to admit, I was a bit bummed about this.

For first year students, Nankan won 1st place. This actually shocked me. I thought the relative level of the 2nd years was better than that of the 1st years. Although surprised, I was really happy that both the first and second years had placed.

For the second year short speech, Nankan won first place. By this point I was ecstatic. This was the student who I felt had been misjudged last year. And I felt like I failed him. Because his pronunciation was so good, but somehow I coached him incorrectly.

Well, that was it. I was more than happy. And I thought things were over for Nankan. I mean, the third year students had never done this competition before and they were up against groups with twice as many students, some of who had done the competition twice before. So when the judges announced Nankan had won second place I couldn't believe it.

Every student I had trained, every group I created, had placed in the competition.

When we told our Principle that every student had placed and handed him the two trophies for first place, he cried; just a little.

Last year, no one blinked when we came home empty handed. I get the feeling that happens more often than not at this school.

On the trophy for the first year students there was a ribbon that listed what school won first place for each year. My principle found a ribbon on there from 1986 that said 'Nankan'. It was the only one. And it had been won before ALTs ever came to this town.

That's the miracle I created with my kids in this town. We were so determined that the first year student still came, fever and all, and that group won first place. My third year students won second place with two students doing the work of three (or six). And my second year student in the short speech had all the ALTs laughing as he told them about how he loved his class, 2の3.

And so I'll end the way he ended his speech,

I don't have time to tell you about everyone. But they are all

important to me. Those who always volunteer. Those who are

noisy. Those who are quiet. And those who always sleep. Let's

help each other! My friends, 2の3.

There's No Litter Boxes in Heaven

Mindy,

From the moment I met you, when I first walked down the stairs, and you gave an uncertain meow, I was enraptured. My family may not have known, but you were my cat. That first night, you went in and slept on my bed. Of course, you got there before I did. And, afraid you would leave if I moved you, I slept up against the wall on one-forth of my little twin bed.

But it didn't matter. Because from then on, you came to sleep with me often. And it felt like I had won the most important prize.

And I'm sitting here in the dark writing to you because I couldn't stop writing this in my head. So I figured it deserved to be shared.

You were the best cat ever. And not because you were the nicest, or the cutest. You were loud, and annoying, and I'll never forget the way you bit my toes. I loved teasing you, and you loved fighting back. Sometimes in the last few years you attacked me because you wanted to play.

From the time I built a cage on wheels made out of knex around you, to the times I chased you all the way under the stairs so I could pick you up, you were my cat.

Even when you got older and didn't play as much, I didn't mind; it meant you couldn't run away as fast anymore. And then I started calling you Muskrat Mindy when you had arthritis and would scuttle around the kitchen with a strange gate.

When I was younger, and we would go on family vacations, we would take you over to Grandma's so she could watch you and you wouldn't be all alone. She'd always say that you avoided her for a couple days, but sure enough, you'd come crawling out from your hidey hole looking for attention. And by the time we came to get you again, both you and Grandma were sad to see the time end.

A couple times Mom asked Grandma if she'd like to keep you permanently. We could all see that Grandma could use some company. But Grandma always poo-pooed the idea and said she didn't want the extra work.

Well, now you're going to get to stay with Grandma for a while. And please don't take it badly when I say I hope it's a while before any of us join you. You two will just have to keep each other company from now on.

But don't worry. I think Grandma won't mind having you for company, cause there's no litter boxes in heaven.

A Rude Awakening

You know, just because there haven't been new posts in a few weeks, doesn't mean my adventures here are over.  Not by a long shot.  

The day after I wrote about my bathroom spider visiter, I went in there again and a spider jumped out from the corner.  It must have been the sibling of the one I'd killed yesterday; they looked exactly alike.  This one I showed no mercy, and didn't even try to get it out the window.  Let's say that two days, two spiders, two heart attacks, one tiny room: I'd had enough.

A week or so after that I spotted a larger spider on my ceiling in the landing room, above my book shelves.  By this time I knew right where the spray was, and I was pissed.

Last week I had an encounter with big ugly.  I'm praying they don't get bigger (but I'm not holding my breath).  I went into the kitchen at 9 pm last week on Tuesday and a piece of the black on the microwave door moved.  I was less than thrilled.  I had so much adrenaline I was shaking as I sprayed that cockroach.  There was so much spray used that it congealed on top of the counter.

On Friday night I went out to go to the convenience store.  It was dark out, around 8 or 9 pm.  I put on my shoes, open the door and start to walk outside and there is a huge spider, about the size of a grapefruit sitting on the stoop of the house, startled buy the light turning on (movement activated).  I pulled my foot back inside and let that door shut so fast.  It took me three minutes of heavy breathing before I finally went outside.

Then later Friday night, okay, it was really Saturday morning, I caught a sibling of Thursday's cockroach crawling across my floor.  There was a little less panicing while I sprayed this one, and more remorse about having to wash my floor when this was over.

That brings me to this morning.  5 am.  I felt something on my arm and rolled over.

Only to be bitten by a 7 inch centipede.

I'm starting a song:

Three spiders surprising.

Two roaches flying.

And one centipede biting me in my sleep! 

With all this action, is it any surprise I felt remorse for injuring the centipede?  It freaks me out a lot, but honestly, I'll take one centipede if it means it'll eat all the roaches.  I hope I didn't kill it.  That could mean baby centipedes really soon.  I hit it with my water bottle and got it's rear.  It hid behind a picture I haven't hung up yet, and when I went to get the spray, it disappeared.

So to surmise:

My kitchen is infested with cockroaches.

My landing is claimed by spiders.

My tatami room is centipede territory.

Now I'm thinking I'll sleep in my bedroom.

So what lives there?

Adventures in Bug Land

I just went to the bathroom here at middle school.  Like I do everyday.  And I went to the far stall with the western toilet.  It took me a minute after I sat down to realize things were a little different today.  There were things moving on the window.  

They were some form of bee.  Probably a kind of wasp.  Their bodies were longer and leaner than I was used to seeing.  Their wings not as spread out.  And they were walking on the window, that was closed.  

I then looked up to check on the small object I had noticed last year when I first arrived.  About the size of a softball.  I always thought it was a beehive of some kind.  But it was small, and it looked hard and old.  I figured it was from several years ago and the people here never cleared it out.  This not being abnormal since the students and teachers are responsible for the care-taking of the school.  The people here also just don't seem to be as anal about cleaning here.

There were several half inch holes in the softball-sized-now-confirmed-nest.  And there wasn't just one.  There were three.  I wanted to die.  I wanted to scream.  I wanted to run.  The last of the three won out.  Unfortunately, at the time I was stuck.  It took my tired brain a few minutes to realize what was happening.  

So I had to wait.  And watch the newly born wasps crawl all over the window looking for an exit.  And of course, this window was in the stall with me, less than a foot away.

I just about had a fit, being trapped like that.  They were almost two inches long.  I busted out of that stall hoping they wouldn't  figure out how to fly before I did.  I washed my hands and ran into the teachers office.  I was speaking pretty loudly.  Mostly in English.  Luckily one of the English teachers was there.  

They killed the bees.  And when they tried to take the nest down they had to get a hammer because it was so hard.  

Even though I was scared, do you think it's strange that I feel good that the nest wasn't a dead thing?  I still didn't like it, but it was kind of cool to see something break out and try to live.  It was fulfilling it's intended purpose.  

Of course, any bug that's inside has to die.

Buggy

Ok.  Unlike the other secrets of Nankan, that I, you know, enjoyed discovering, this one could have just stayed hidden.  I am referring to my (very) recent encounter with an unwelcome house guest - a spider.  Walk into the toilet room and there it is on the wall near the window, hanging out.  Bigger than the size of a half dollar if you include the legs (which I do for any spiders other than danny long-legs).  

I surprised myself, I didn't scream.  I think I said Oh My God and started breathing like I just ran for 20 minutes.  

Since I don't mind spiders if they're outside and keep their distance (I mean, they do eat other bugs you know?) I decided to try and 'save' it.  I opened the window and tried to 'help' it outside. But it didn't like that idea and it started coming towards me with alarming speed (in a room about 4 feet squared) and I swatted it.  I swatted it good.  It curled up in a little ball and didn't try to move again as I picked it up on the swatter and threw it out the window.  But you know, spiders are really good at playing dead, so it might be alright.  I didn't see it's brains or anything and all the limbs were attached.

I'll tell you one thing: I don't know if I'll ever have to pee again.

Damn Kids!

Tonight I want to share with you some of the answers one of my first year students gave on one of his worksheets last year.  

1. Where did you go?

I went to Pluto.

2. When did you go there?

I went there yesterday.

3. Who did you go there with?

I went there with Doraemon. [If you are unfamiliar with Doraemon, wikipedia]

4. What did you do there?

We played thumb wrestling.

5. What else did you do there?

We ate Pluto.

Apparently that explains why it isn't a planet anymore.

1. Where did you go?

I went to the past and the future.

2. When did you go there?

I went there this morning.

3. Who did you go there with?

I went there with my clothes.

4. What did you do there?

We met many people. 

5. What else did you do there?

We ate various kinds of food.

The second set of answers was just because he finished so early.  Keep in mind that a student like this is pretty rare around here.  Not only for his enthusiasm and ability, but also his imagination.  Ah nostalgic.  It reminds the answers I used to give my Japanese teacher at Kansai Gaidai.  In fact, did I give these answers to my teacher at Kansai Gaidai?  

US hardwire

Hello all!  I've been silent on here for long enough.  Is it possible to have 'overload' from life?  I think that sums up how I've been the last few months.  I'm sure you all have this great image of how my life must be so fun and exciting.  And it is.  But it's also tiring.  Some of it is my fault and some of it is just because my brain is hardwired for life in the US and it spends a lot of time freaking out.  At least the part that's my fault is fun: for instance, yesterday I watched the Lord of the Rings movie in entirety.  It finished at about 1 am.  

Recently I've been watching a lot of US movies and TV.  I haven't wanted to go out as much, and I've taken on a lot of projects around my apartment.  These aren't things that necessarily cost a lot of money, but may take a lot of time.  It seems like whenever I go out I get bored and exhausted.  Not always.  It mostly depends on if I'm hanging out with acquaintances or they're friends.  Friends in smaller groups, not too bad.  But larger groups just make me long for home.  

I like the projects I do around the house because they are straightforward, take a lot of work and have a great sense of accomplishment at the end.  For about five minutes.  Then I want the next project.  When I'm just sitting around I feel badly because I could be doing something.

The emergence of these projects may have arisen from the fact that Civilization won't play on my computer.  I've downloaded the patch, I've read all the online instructions, and it still can't.  Usually when I'm in this kind of a mood I play Civilization pretty much non-stop.  I love my mac, but why can't they make the game work for it?  I think it's cuz they wanted to game to be prettier so they changed the mac version or something to depend more on the graphics card, and mine is obviously not up to par.

So I've resorted to doing things that I myself wonder, 'Why am I doing this?  Why do I worry about it? I'm only here for three years?'  But I just have this need to keep doing them.  Great.  I'm sure some people would say it's culture shock, or homesickness.  But I used to go through these periods before in the US.  Hmmm.

Well, without further ado, here are some pictures from Okinawa.  I went there over spring break.  If you're wondering why they're are only five, I was passing my camera to someone to take a picture for me and we dropped it.  Still haven't gotten it fixed.

The first beach we found.  We got lost.

Okinawa's Aquarium: Ocean Expo Park

Ferry to a nearby island.  A big wave just soaked me.

The island we went to.  The beachy part is to the left.  There's coral right there and we went snorkeling.  

The four of us at Pineapple Park.  Eugene (behind), Diana (left), Me (middle), and Patty (right).  

I was the only one of the group who looked like the stereotypical American so we got a lot of weird looks.  By coincidence Diana and I wound up riding the same bus to the airport.  So we were walking around (that girl has an obsession with food samples) and we bought something at the convenience store.  The lady asked her if she wanted a bag.  She looked at me to see what she said, and I told her.  The clerk looked like she was having a brain aneurysm.  She probably thought she was in a Outerlimits episode or something.  Diana's family are Japanese Americans, but they moved to the US five or so generations ago.  She can't speak Japanese really well. 

Well, lots of fun.  Hope you all had a good Golden Week.  Mine was pretty good.  I went to an all you can eat buffet, watched movies, hung out at home, cleaned the screen frames, replaced the screens, washed the windows and the surrounding tracks for 9 windows and 2 doors, started hemming the curtains in the tatami room, put together a new bookshelf, moved other bookshelf into my office and re-organized my office.  I did a couple other things too.  

Please Remember to Try

I just had the most amazing conversation with my principle. I wrote about my experience over the last four years for the teacher messages to the graduating students. Ms. Kawakami then translated it into Japanese for me.

My principle leaned over to me today and told me his favorite part:

Then I realized, by never trying I could never fail. But I could never succeed either. If I tried, at least I had the chance of succeeding. And sometimes the experience of trying is more valuable than success.

He really liked what I wrote. But more than that - he got it. I was moved when I saw in his eyes that I had inspired him. He asked me to share this with the first and second year students. I'm so glad that I took the chance and shared myself.

When I was trying to write a message to students I felt like I barely knew, I couldn't think of anything. I read what James had wrote to the students last year; he talked about how they had known each other for four years and wasn't it amazing? But I couldn't say anything like that.

I couldn't think of anything profound, or something that 'sounded right'. So I shared myself, and it turns out that sharing yourself is profound, even if you can't find the perfect words. And it sounds right even if the voice in your head says it's wrong.

And with that, I want to share with you what I wrote for the thrid year students of Nankan Junior High.



Please Remember to Try by Katharine Kreuser

Please remember, that your life is anything and evertyhing you choose to make it. It's no one's responsibility but yours. No one has the power but you.

And although you may feel alone, that is just a feeling.
And although you may think it's hopeless, that is just a thought.
And if you tell yourself you can't do something, you will never try.
And trying is the most important thing. The worst that can happen is you fail.
And if you fail, you will be in the same position you are in if you don't try at all.

For four years after college I told myself I would never live in Japan again. So I didn't try. I told myself that if I applied, there would be someone better at speaking Japanese, or teaching who would get the job. And I thought if I tried and failed, that would be worse than not trying at all.

Then I realized, by never trying, I could never fail. But I could never succeed either. If I tried, at least I had the chance of succeeding. And sometimes the experience of trying is more valuable than success.

Now when I say, `I can't do that`, I think for a moment. Am I saying this out of fear? And if I am, do I want to try anyway and see what happens? Just for fun? You never know what kind of adventure lies just around the road you pass by.

`It's a dangerous business, going out of your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.`
- Bilbo Baggins Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien